Father's Day

Recently I visited a friend who just gave birth to a baby girl. She looked great and I was happy for her, but I was surprised that her husband didn't look so great. He looked like he hasn't slept for days and he had a bad back.

I had this reflex thought, wondering why he was in such a bad shape when he wasn't the one who was... pregnant? And he wasn't the one doing the pushing and enduring the horrendous, out-of-this-world pain during labour (my friend didn't use the epidural). And of course, he wasn't the one waking up every two damn hours in the middle of the night, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT breastfeeding a newborn.

Shame on me, mother of two, for having such thoughts.

Many fathers are actually the unsung heroes in a family. No family can function effectively running on just the efforts by mothers. Amazing as mothers can be, we only have a pair of hands. As humans, mothers get tired, mothers fall ill sometimes, mothers need time off... Oh, and mothers sometimes get hungry in the middle of the night. What happens during times like these? It's papa to the rescue. I know of fathers who do laundry, cook kiddy meals, mop the floor, wash dishes, run errands, bottle feed babies, buy suppers, change diapers and act as chauffeurs on demand. Fathers also provide calm and reassurance when the mums get overwhelmed. Fathers are awesome playmates for the kids. They can throw babies high up into the air without harming them, tickle kids to death but then have the kids end up begging for more, and come up with great ideas for weekends. Fathers do catch vomit from sick kids, get up in the middle of the night for paracetamol feedings, and clean up soiled sheets too.

This father's day, I'm glad to have an awesome partner. And he's the reason why I can survive as a good-enough-parent.

My fifth anniversary as a SAHM - Once upon a time

Once upon a time
I held a newborn in my arms
I went home, dreaming of a charming, smiling baby
Only to realise that
Newborns scream, and do not like to sleep
So I was up
Night after night, rocking and singing to a newborn
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
I tucked into my food with glee
To finish it peacefully in one sitting
Only to realise that
Babies need to be entertained even while you were eating
So I played peek-a-boo with my baby
Meal after meal, sometimes almost chocking
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
I wanted to bring my kids for a morning of fun
So I brought them out
Only to realise that
Toddlers throw fits in public
There I was the harried mother
Coaxing my kids, sometimes to no avail
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
I hugged two chubby, giggling children in my arms
We played trains, read books, tickled each other to bits
And I hoped that time would sit still
Only to realise that
Moments like this slip by faster than I could catch them
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
I questioned my decision
Could I have looked more glamourous, my bank account, more robust?
Then I looked at my two children
Running towards me, arms outstretched
calling, "MAAAMAAAA!!!!"

And so I realised
Perhaps I made the right decision after all
Once upon a time

A bit lost

It was the third day of K1 and little dude did not come home.

I was with the baby at the pick-up point, waiting for the school bus to pick little dude up after school. It was a cold and rainy evening, but the image of the school bus pulling into the drop-off point was a cheerful sight. That was, until the door of the bus opened, and the school bus aunty looked at me with a lost look.

My heart dropped onto the floor.

"What is the name of your child ah?" The aunty said.

I replied accordingly and my eyes scanned the mini bus. Little dude was not there.

The aunty did a courtesy walk along the school bus aisle. She put her hand onto her mouth and gasped to me:

"He's not here," she said.

I breathed long and hard.

"Do you have the phone number of the school's office?" I think my tone was stern.

"No," she replied, with the same lost look.

"Let me go home to make a call, I will fetch him back," I turned to walk away before I finished my sentence.

"Are you sure you can manage? It's raining and you have a baby...." her voice trailed, but I didn't look back.

And so apparently there was some sort of a miscommunication and little dude did not get up the school bus. But two of his teachers and his school principal were with him till I arrived. All was well and he got a chocolate bar from his teacher for being a brave boy. No, he didn't cry, but he was pretty upset at being left behind while his schoolmates went home.

The next day, I sent the school a polite note to say that they could, perhaps, strengthen the handover process between the school and school bus. The principal was responsible and prompt, and I was satisfied that something like that would not likely happen again.

Phew.

By the way, the title of this entry is a title of a children's book. It's a good read. Little dude likes the story. You can check it out with your kids.

A letter to little dude

On 5 April 2013, your sister joined our family. She arrived bewildered and helpless, a newborn who depended on me totally to be fed, clothed, changed and washed. To take care of her, my time spent with you decreased considerably.

I could sense that you were sad. The arrival of a new member of the family, coupled with your 'coming of age' as a toddler was tough on you. At two and a half years of age, the emotions you could feel far exceeded your ability to communicate them. I saw you first approach your newborn sister warily, wondering what this sleeping, red-faced thing was. You gave a disgusted look and turned away. I was worried. But in the first few weeks there were many people around to distract you from the baby and myself. Your father, grandparents, grand-aunt were among them.

I wanted to keep you company as much as I could, but I had to deal with postpartum pain, being seriously sleep deprived, and struggled to establish my breast-feeding relationship with your new sister. As soon as I could walk fairly painlessly I took you out of the house for some individual time with you, ignoring the fact that it was barely three weeks after I have given birth and all that I wanted was just to sleep.

You seemed to understand that there was a new addition to the family, and things have changed. You somehow knew that I still loved you, but I had to set aside time for that strange-looking little creature that was bundled up and put inside a cot. Slowly, but surely, you became comfortable around your sister. Pride welled up inside me the first time you picked up her handkerchief to help wipe away her drool. As time went by, you helped with the baby wipes, diaper disposal, picked up toys that your sister repeatedly dropped from the high-chair. We even began to bath her together. To me, you were a small toddler with a heart that was out-of-this-world.

It has been a rocky and bumpy journey. We were both navigating a path. I was the only one who could read the map and often got lost. And frustrated. But you were always forgiving, and gave me your brightest smile everyday (tantrums notwithstanding). You are the boy that hums and sings wherever you go.

You turn 3 tomorrow. I heard that after the terrible twos comes the traumatizing threes. Whatever. We will hold on together. And we will get through.

Happy birthday little dude!

The perils of social media

The world is a dangerous place. An SIM undergraduate got into trouble for spouting racist jokes. He was drunk. His 'friends' from NUS egged him on while filming him in his nonsensical self, and then uploaded the video on youtube. The SIM undergrad got instant infamy, and will face disciplinary action from his university.

It is not my business to perpetuate this fiasco, and I hope that people will forget him and what he did. But I hope that my children will learn from this incident. It is easy for the young to be caught in a high of emotions, and then, in their need for instant gratification, do something wrong and find themselves in a bad situation.

Regardless of where you are and who you are with, always maintain a clear mind. Even when partying or celebrating. Even when you think you are with good friends. And please, treat those around you with respect.